i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's the barista slut.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
