You really coming over, don't trick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
