just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
