She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
