just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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