During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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