Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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