do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
