Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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