I puked a lego.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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