So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
