They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
