ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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