I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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