She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
