I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
as a side note pls kill me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
