shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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