Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
