You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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