So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
