thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
