Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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