They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
