This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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