I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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