Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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