I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
