I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
