i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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