i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
