3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
