lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
