How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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