When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
