New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
