New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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