Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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