He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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