i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
