why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dignity is for republicans.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
