I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
