my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
