Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize