Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was CRYING into my vagina
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
