nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize