You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
