I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
