ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
