So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
