Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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