In the future we'll all be gay
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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