I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
