I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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