I bet he comes in French.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
