If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
