from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need a burrito and a hug.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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