final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
