ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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