So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
