the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize