I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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