he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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