you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
