Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize