so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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