U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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