When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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