Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
