i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
