She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
