"it" just moved
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
