I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this boner is exhausting
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize