Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
