Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
