ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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