just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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