I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
