whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thus making me awesome and them whores
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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