I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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