i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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