Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
