So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
