Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
