Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
