I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
