i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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