R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
