I got chris browned last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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