I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
