Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
