Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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