I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
