Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize