last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
