matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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