i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
