And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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