I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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