She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
