The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
