Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
