mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
