fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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