Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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