my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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