She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize